11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
