a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
