u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
did i just pee glitter
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
