Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
