It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
