she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
