so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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