Cold hands, warm shart.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So many bounce houses so little time
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize