After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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