Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
