I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
