So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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