I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think a kid would responsible me up
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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