The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
