he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
