pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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