last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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