Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
