Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
