Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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