My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
