you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
