it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
