Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So squirting runs in the family.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
