you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
