I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
