i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
