somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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