Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
