I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
