she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize