She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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