with your own penis?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize