all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
