my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
