My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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