it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
