Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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