The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Are we still banned from the library?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
