Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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