is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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