DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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