i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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