dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
