Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
