i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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