I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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