I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
