don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
