I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
