I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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