The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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