WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have aggressive nipples.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
