Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i came on her dog
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
