Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
3 2 1 whiskey
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
