my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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