Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
