They should really pass out barf bags in church
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
