I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
