I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
