I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
honey bunches of taint.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize