you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
