Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
