Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
