i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's always time for handjobs
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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