You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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