so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
