Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
